Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize