OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
