made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
