We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
