Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
