Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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