I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
