I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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