Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
