we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
