I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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