i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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