im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
