you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
