WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
