This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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