dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize