Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
