I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
