Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
