I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
