I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
