Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
