I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
