i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
