thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
