marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
