Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
