Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
