u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
