So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
