you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
