Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
