Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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