i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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