Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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