Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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