hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
