Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my phone needs a breathalizer
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
