seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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