I am puke
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
