TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
