I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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