everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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