What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
