The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
