girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He has the fingertips of a God
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