Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
