Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
