You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
