remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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