For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
