so explain again why im purple
no
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize