just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
