glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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