Rock
Scissors
Fuck
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
