yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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