We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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