The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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