my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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