Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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