I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
