I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
