Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Panties = found
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