Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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