We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
