I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
