Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
