wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
