The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
