Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
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Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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