Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We're too hungover to prance.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
