from now on my penis is your penis
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
