dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
