swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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