i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
