You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
