he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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